@@@ >>>>LOVE YOUR SELF <<<<<<@@@

Love Yourself First: 5 Ways to Practice Self-love

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” ~Lucille Ball

Life moves so fast. It’s easy to put ourselves on a back burner in favor of the to do list, but it catches up with us. We may not feel good, are irritable and frustrated all the time. We may even feel like our life has little meaning or purpose. So how do we make ourselves a priority with all life’s obligations and distractions? Loving yourself more through intentional acts can enhance quality of life.

First, what behaviors do people who practice self-love have? Well, they tend to make good choices in mates and careers. They exude positive energy and confidence in their relationships with others. They set boundaries for themselves. If they want to say no, then they do, without guilt. They stand up for themselves letting others know what they need and want and how they feel, kindly. They do not tolerate toxic people — people who are mean or criticize them, even if they are family. They feel happier because they are living a life of their choosing and not someone else’s.

Life works better when our self-esteem is high from loving ourselves. Here are five ways to help you practice self-love:

1. Notice the negative self-talk – Self-deflating and anxious thoughts about the future or regrets and guilt about the past can rule our minds. To lessen these often-incessant thoughts take notice of them. Set aside some time each day where you become an outsider of your own thoughts. When you have a negative thought, notice it, and turn it around into a positive one.

To help think more empowering thoughts, you can use affirmations. Here is a quick practice: Make two columns on a sheet of paper. Title the first column, “Negative Thoughts” and the second column, “Positive Affirmations”. Now think of three to five negative thoughts that you have about yourself. For example, one may be, “I’m never good enough”. You can counteract that thought with a positive affirmation like, “I accept and love myself for who I am.” Keep this sheet handy, saying the positive affirmations to yourself often.

2. Believe in yourself – Past failure, disappointments and self-doubt can prevent us from pursuing what we want in life. We can easily lose faith in ourselves when we experience setbacks. Nevertheless, if we press on, believing that we can learn from our experiences to achieve our goals then we’ve raised the bar in life. It’s never easy to keep sticking our necks out, for love, for a new or better job, for growth, but when we do we’ve increased our self-worth and motivation. Believe in yourself, your skills, talents and values, in spite of discouragement and criticism from others. Look to the future and don’t look back. Above all, be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned.

3. Practice self-care – Taking care of our body, mind and soul is essential to loving ourselves. Dedicating some time for daily self-care can be life changing. Try this: write on a sheet of paper this question: “If I loved myself more, I would_________________. Here are some suggestions:

• Exercise 20 minutes a day
• Meditate or practice gratitude
• Learn something new
• Spend more time with friends
• Get regular massages
• Volunteer for a good cause
• Go on a vacation, even for a couple of days
• Start a business
• Eat better and take vitamins
• Improve a living space
• Quit a bad habit

Once you make your list of answers, you can choose to focus on one, two or as many as you can, and see how your happiness increases.

4. Visualize the life that you want – To love ourselves means going after our heart’s desires, giving our lives’ purpose. Sometimes though it may seem that our dreams elude us. The reason could be that our thoughts and feelings are not in alignment with what we want. Creative visualization, a technique of using your imagination to help create what you want in life, can be a powerful tool to correct this dis-alignment.

Shakti Gawain, author of the book Creative Visualization: Use the Power of Your Imagination to Create What You Want in Life says, “Imagination is the ability to create an idea, a mental picture, or a feeling sense of something. In creative visualization, you use your imagination to create a clear image, idea, or feeling of something you wish to manifest. Then you continue to focus on the idea, feeling, or picture regularly, giving it positive energy until it becomes objective reality…in other words, until you actually achieve what you have been imagining.”

5. Take action on what you want – Going after our dreams is a big act of self-love. The most amazing, inspiring thing is to see another person achieve a goal in spite of obstacles, criticism and fear. You first need to identify what you want and then plan a strategy on how to get there. Then with focused, determined action, no matter how small, you’ll feel better about yourself.  Soon you will be making good progress and have the momentum to keep going. If you hold the vision of what you want to achieve in your mind and be unstoppable in its pursuit, you will succeed.

Why is it so hard to love yourself?

I heard a talk the other day about self-worth.  The speaker was saying that it's almost as though we are born into a world in which we are constantly getting labels slapped onto us by others.  Our parents, our friends, our family, and people that we don't even know.  Each person from the outside looking in coming up with their label to put on us.  Some are kind, some are true...but so many of them are lies.  Negativity.  Hurt. Judgment. Misunderstanding.  Labels, slapped onto us without our permission.  And sometimes, we carry them so long that we believe what they say.    Sometimes, we allow them to define us.

I think sometimes it is so hard to love ourselves...because we have believed what the labels have been telling us.   

The truth is that God came to rip off all the labels that have been placed upon us, and start teaching us the truth about who we are- who He has made us to be.

When we acknowledge His love for us, we get the opportunity to take off all the labels and start from scratch.  If you back up one verse, Mark 12:30 is an essential starting point to learning how to love ourselves.  In it, God calls us to love Him fiercely, with all that we are:

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'

When we are in focused relationship with God, loving Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength- every part of us is open to learning and experiencing His view of us. 

We are exposed to His way of thinking and feeling and His definitions of us begins to sink in.  His labels begin to take priority.  We become surrounded by His love for us, and it begins to permeate into our hearts as well.

And eventually, surrounded by such a relentless love- it begins to rub off.  We slowly learn that He thinks we are worth it.  We slowly believe that maybe we are worth it.  We finally begin to love ourselves...because He has first loved us.  And then finally, when we have really learned to love ourselves, we are opened up to the true meaning of loving others.
Love must always start with us.  Because in order to give out love, we must first possess it. 

I'm thankful for a God who pours His love on me, teaching me to love myself as He loves me, so that I am ultimately freed to love others.

It's time to rip off all the labels.  It's time to be freed to really love.

 Love your neighbor as yourself.

I tweeted a message asking "Why do you think God asks us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves?"

One young woman tweeted back saying:

"I hope He calls us to love our neighbor as HE loves us...b/c sometimes,  I don't love myself very much".

Her answer to my question made me stop and think.  From what I've seen and experienced, this young woman is not alone in her struggles.  So many of the people that I have met, counseled, or befriended- all struggling with the same thing.